It might start with weird periods. Then that stubborn hair that keeps sprouting on your chin in the same spot every time, while the hair on your head is (could it really be?) getting thinner. Then you have trouble falling asleep, have wicked mood swings, and notice a decreased sex drive. I’m done with postpartum, you think. What are these crazy hormones?
Trust me, I get it. I had my boys both in my mid-30s, and was just hitting my stride when perimenopause symptoms started. I had recently lost 30 pounds, the residual weight I was hanging onto after two babies in three years. I started getting Botox again, got a cute new haircut, and finally had time for working out. I was feeling good.
Then my period was nine days late. I was concerned. But since the baby-making door has closed, scientifically speaking, my next step was to consult Google. Mentally, I ticked off my symptoms—changes in my period, trouble sleeping, and increased mood swings. It likely meant the start of perimenopause for me. And it’s coming for all of us.
When does perimenopause start?
Meaning “around menopause,” this period is when the ovaries produce less estrogen and progesterone, which leads to hormone fluctuations. This causes all the wonderful symptoms you might be experiencing in perimenopause, changes in sex drive, hot flashes, mood changes, sleep disturbances, brain fog, having to pee more frequently, and ironically, PMS-like symptoms. And perimenopause rage? Very much a real thing.
I’ll be honest—I wasn’t even clear on what perimenopause was. And I certainly didn’t think it applied to me. Isn’t menopause something that happens to women when they’re, well, old? I just got done having babies, and I’m not even 40 yet.
Turns out, perimenopause can start anywhere from a woman’s mid-30s to mid-50s—and can last for years. Another fun fact? You can still get pregnant during perimenopause.
So how do you know if you’re experiencing perimenopause? Your doctor will likely take into account your symptoms, age, menstrual history, and other factors to determine if you’re there yet. Or they may order a FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) level test, which may help evaluate whether you’re in perimenopause or not. But, according to the Mayo Clinic, “there is no single test or symptom to tell if you’ve started perimenopause,” which feels really frustrating.
Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?
My friends and I discuss pretty much everything, and perimenopause has become a topic du jour. Most of us were later-in-life moms, so by the time our youngest kids went off to kindergarten, perimenopause was right on its heels. One thing we all have in common? None of us saw this coming
Perimenopause is a major hormonal phase that women experience, much like puberty. But unlike puberty, we don’t learn about it in school or at our doctor’s office, so many of us hit perimenopause wholly unprepared.
“Perimenopause is a major hormonal phase that women experience, much like puberty. But we don’t learn about it in school or at our doctor’s office, so many of us hit perimenopause wholly unprepared.”
Personally, I knew generally what menopause was, but it seemed like something that my mother or her friends experienced, not something that would affect me. I saw my OB-GYN regularly, as well as my general practitioner. But neither one of them had mentioned that perimenopause might be on the horizon.
It turns out, this is pretty common. One in five women doesn’t know what perimenopause is, and many healthcare providers are lacking in training to either recognize the symptoms or help women deal with them.
The whiplash of having babies to dealing with perimenopause
Surprisingly, there’s such a lack of communication regarding perimenopause from our doctors because it’s such a topic of conversation online. Sure, it could just be my algorithm (almost 40-something-year-old mom, two kids in elementary school, and more time for self-care), but it seems bigger than that.
For me, the jump from trying to conceive to perimenopause felt, well, short. It doesn’t seem fair that I had so little time between the two, and that I was so ill-prepared for yet another huge hormonal change. I feel like I went right from Amazon subscriptions for nipple cream and burp cloths to debating the merits of weighted vests versus calcium supplements with my equally perimenopausal friends. (Worth noting: I went with both.)
“I feel like I went right from Amazon subscriptions for nipple cream and burp cloths to debating the merits of weighted vests versus calcium supplements.”
But maybe the fact that perimenopause is being discussed more and more and finding its way into the social lexicon is a sign that our daughters won’t have to deal with the same emotional whiplash we did.
How to cope with perimenopause symptoms
If you’re bracing for perimenopause or already deep in the throes of this hormonal rollercoaster, I’ve got you. And, of course, talk to your doctor about any health concerns—more on that below. But here are a few things you can try to offset the hormonal changes brought on by perimenopause.
Editor’s Note: Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article.
Consider lifestyle changes
Getting enough sleep, staying active, and managing stress can help alleviate perimenopause symptoms. Personally, I’m a big fan of the hot mom walk, aka, a long walk with my noise-cancelling headphones and weighted vest.
Reducing the amount of caffeine and alcohol can help with sleep disturbances and hot flashes brought about by perimenopause. And let’s be honest, it will probably help your mood, too. One thing I’ve noticed is that just one glass of wine can result in headaches the next day, so this one was a no-brainer for me.
But, watch out for perimenopause wellness overpromises
While I’m glad perimenopause conversations are happening, it also means new wellness products, hacks, influencers, and more have entered the space. Many are exploiting fears and anxieties about this next phase of life, and the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) shared some myths and misinformation to look out for before spending money on perimenopause quick fixes. In an article on ACOG.org, Dr. Nanette Santoro shared a few tips for perimenopausal women seeking symptom relief, including:
- Be wary of claims that only “clinically tested” vs. “clinically proven.” Track down the research.
- Check a doctor or expert’s credentials. “Head to their state medical board website to confirm whether they are licensed and in good standing,” wrote Dr. Santoro.
- Remember, dietary supplements are unregulated.
“If it looks too good to be true,” she wrote, “it probably is.”
What to ask your doctor
If you think you might be on the cusp of perimenopause, it may be time to consult your doctor. Try asking questions like, What symptoms are normal? How can I deal with night sweats or hot flashes? Can I still get pregnant during perimenopause? Are there any tests that can determine for sure that it’s perimenopause?
And if you’re looking for more medical interventions to deal with perimenopause, there are a few routes to ask your doctor about:
Antidepressants: Antidepressants may help with night sweats brought on by perimenopause, but this is definitely a consult-your-doctor situation.
Hormone therapy: Hormone therapy may help with hot flashes and other symptoms in both perimenopause and menopause. Hormone therapy is available in pill, skin patch, gel, or cream form and is often paired with estrogen.
Birth control: While you may not be eager to jump back on birth control pills, they may help offset the symptoms of perimenopause.
As for my friends and me, we’ll keep talking (and laughing) about the seemingly unbelievable changes we undergo as women of a certain age. Most recently? We were aghast to find out that your labia minora can shrink or actually disappear during menopause. But that’s an article for another time.
Rachel Morgan Cautero, Contributing Writer
Rachel is a full-time freelance writer based in Ponte Vedra, Florida. When she’s not busy wrangling a toddler, preschooler, and one very stubborn French bulldog, she’s writing on all things personal finance and parenting. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic, Forbes, Parents, The Balance, Yahoo Finance, Truly Mama, SmartAsset, HerMoney, and DailyWorth.
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